Tsunami Hee Ja
Try as I might, I have yet to perfect the secret formula to consistently positive mood and high energy levels. Pretty standard state of affairs I suppose - even the moon waxes and wanes, but I do so hate getting stuck with an ongoing bout of apathy. Sometimes it accompanies a visit from the blues and generally they both leave in short order, but too often it arrives without a dominant partner, leaving me free to function, but at minimum capacity and without any feelings about whatever I manage to do.
It sucks me dry of inspiration, and even dulls my desire to consume. I don't fancy reading, listening to audio-books or watching television. Music fails to move me, food isn't as tasty, and looking at my husband's delightful bottom elicits only the memory of my usual appreciation.
I am numb, foggy, dulled. Not sad. Not anything. Just meh.
Apathy for an artist is creative death, which is why I hate it so damned much. At least I know how to self-care on depressed days, and that at some point I will pull myself out of the funk and maybe draw something from it. Apathy lingers, and every time it comes for me I wonder if it is ever going to go away.
Thankfully I have a talisman against this massive jerk. Staying busy is my key to avoiding apathy and its sullen playmate, depression. When I stall at the drawing board and my work isn't progressing as I'd like, it's prudent to fill my days with anything else. From mowing the lawn to cooking for family and friends - it doesn't matter as long as I'm doing something that makes me feel useful.
When I'm busy with people, pets or projects I don't hear the dreaded doorbell ringing, and inevitably my consistent motion attracts kinder emotion. Joy, motivation, and even excitement are way more likely to drop in at these times, paragliding into my heart with reckless enthusiasm and reigniting my desire to create.
With so much happening right now, I'm in a good place and trying to maintain that momentum. I figure apathy can't hold me down if I don't let it catch me, so I'll keep on moving and see how far it gets me. ONWARD!